1. Be prepared!

ALL adoptive children have special needs. As an adoption professional, I want people who not only want to meet the needs of their family, but also who want to meet the needs of the child. Just the fact that they are being raised by someone other than their birth family, makes them a special needs child. International adoptive children are being raised in a different country, with a different language, probably by people who look very different from them. A child adopted from the foster care system may have undergone abuse, neglect, or abandonment and needs to recover from that trauma. Even in a private domestic adoption, the child may have needs that the parents are ill-equipped to deal with. Good prospective adoptive parents research, prepare their home and prepare other members of the family for the addition of a new child–a child that may have different behaviors than what they are used to. If those parents do their homework to meet that child’s needs, the transition will be much smoother. 

2. Be flexible!

The second quality, I as an adoptive professional looks for is flexibility. Perhaps the family is looking for a healthy, white, blond haired, blue-eyed infant, with no birth parental involvement. That’s nice. My questions to those parents is: “Would you be willing to take a sibling group?”, “Would you be willing to take an older child?”, “Would you be willing to take a child of a different race, ethnicity, or culture than you?”, “Would you be willing to take a child with special needs?” The more flexible a couple is, the easier they are to match with a child. The more inflexible, the longer they will have to wait.

3. Be teachable!

A third quality I as an adoption social worker am looking for is teachability: a willingness to learn and open to suggestions. With more and more grandparents caring for their grandkids, social workers are often younger than the clients whom they serve. And though caregivers may have more parenting experience, social workers have more classroom training, more on-the-job training, and more field experience than caregivers. We appreciate the sacrifice that caregivers make, but sometimes caregivers need to actively listen when constructive criticism is being made. Doing what is in the best interest of the child is always paramount.

A nice house or a plump salary or pleasant smile are nice qualities for anyone. What adoption social workers are looking for are inner qualities, however. What we endeavor to do is to match a child with a “forever” family. A family who will be prepared, flexible, and teachable for me will have those same qualities for the child, who could be a handful.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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1. Manufacturing an honest home study

A home study is a snapshot of who an applicant is and what home life is like for a family who seeks to adopt a child. It is chock full of information including a biography, references, experience with children, your current home and property, a health statement, a financial statement, and background checks.

A good home study is properly balanced between good and bad, positive and negative, strengths and needs. A home study that is too heavily colored in one direction or one that omits important information can be detrimental. For example, an applicant who was raised with a developmentally disabled relative should be counted as experience. An applicant who is bilingual is a valuable resource and should be included in the home study. An applicant who is Native American and has documentation of that ancestry is also important because it will give that applicant preference in being matched to a Native American child. A thorough, detailed, and well-written home study can make all the difference in matching a waiting family to a waiting child, which leads to the second point.

2. Making the child’s history fully known

The other side of fully disclosing the family’s history is giving full disclosure of the child’s history. There is no worse feeling for an adoptive family than feeling important information was not disclosed up front about the child. The adoption professional representing the child should fully disclose everything about that child including medical, behavioral, educational, and developmental information prior to the final placement. Full information may not be available about the birth parents, but that should be no excuse for fully disclosing important details like: How did the child become free for adoption? Have there been any previous adoptive placements and if so, why did they disrupt? If the child is over 10, what are their expectations? Adoptive families can make a more informed decision when armed with this knowledge.   

3. Matching the right family for a child

Finding a good adoptive match is not like choosing the right gifts in a bridal registry. There is no such thing as finding the wrong child for a family; the correct family has just not been found yet.

The goal years and years ago, was to find a child who looked like you. That seemed sensible because the child would feel like he belonged in the family. The trend now is to find a family who can care for a child’s needs. Special needs such as autism, ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder or Reactive Attachment Disorder are just a few of the things that adoptive parents can expect to encounter, whether adopting domestically or internationally. A good adoption professional trains and prepares their clients to meet these challenges head-on, rather than being caught off guard with behaviors such as food hoarding, head-banging, and sexualized behaviors appear.

4. Making a connection to the correct resources

Your primary care physician may not be a professional in every area of medicine, but I bet he could recommend a good chiropractor or a good Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. In the same way, a good adoption professional may not have all the answers, but I bet he knows who does.

A good adoption professional is well-networked and well-connected to others in the child welfare community. Whether it is finding a child psychologist; finding a school that specializes in your child’s needs; finding respite providers or simply finding someone who has a spare car seat, he/she should be a treasure trove of resources! An unmotivated adoption professional says, “I don’t know” in answer to one of your questions; a motivated, experienced adoption professional says, “I don’t know that answer, but I know someone who does.”

Your adoption journey can be long and tedious. I know, because I’ve been there, adopting six kids in two different states. You need someone who knows you, who will support you, and guide you in this process. A good adoption professional can make all the difference.

Do you feel there is a hole in your heart that can only be filled by a child? We’ve helped complete 32,000+ adoptions. We would love to help you through your adoption journey. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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